again and again.

ahh, i'm always regretting my decisions made.
i was so confident on monday that i will enjoyed these cds that i chose myself.
Wednesday had my jap lecture and psychology tutorial, they were great.
the problem was i couldn't understand a word that my jap lecturer was speaking.
she isn't speaking jap but eng. and she was also my tutor.
after attending psychology tutorial i felt that this cds suits me. everything was great.
i thought everything would turn out the same for jap tutorial.
but i'm wrong, totally wrong. not everything in life will turn out as you think it will be.
i totally think that i don't even fit in that class. i'm just like the odd one out.
everyone seems to alr have the basics and they speak jap so well. i'm looked so stupid with them. i can't speak well enough and that didn''t seems enough troubles for me.
there were only 3 girls including me. and they didn't seems to accept me into their grp.
throughout the 2 hrs, i was thinking so hard, shld i go the change my cds??? or shld i just bear with it???
after that one and a half hr of waiting, i've alr decided to change to world issues.
different people have different views, some people dropped world issues, some people wanted to and i'm those people who wished to add world issues.
it was after flipping through Anna world issues book that i think i like this cds. but there was no vacancy left and that's it.
yeah yeah, i dropped jap and left with psychology only. so when the others finished taking their cds in yr 2, but i will still be stucked with my cds till yr3. yes, i'm now different from the others.
but it isn't the outcome that i expected or did i want it to happen.
this just sucks.
i'm aware of the stress in yr2 and yr3. but i needed to make a decision to let myself feel happy.
let's just take 1 step at a time. when the time for yr3 to arrive then i shall learn to handle the stress.
yes, some people might think that i'm giving up way too easily.
i'm just giving up with just a very small obstacles infront of me.
there are hundreds over students who chose jap but why i am the one who gave up.
others continue their journey and strive harder. but i just gave up.
yes, maybe i'm giving up really way too easily. i do admit that.
i can't even overcome the obstacles.
i'm not strong enough, i'm just not strong enough to handle the stress yet.
this stress is unusual. i never felt this way before. it's too scary.
i'm sure i will find my way and learn to handle them better in these 3 yrs.
i've alr proved myself right in secondary sch.
i need to just proved it right again in yr3.

thanks amanda for accompanying me. =]